I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize