I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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