The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So squirting runs in the family.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
