So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
