your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I could make wine with my vomit
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
