I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
