Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
