You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize