my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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