I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
