just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
