i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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