I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
