When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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