hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
