People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
