What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Randomize
