he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
