I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My hand turned me down
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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