I can tuck mytits in my pants
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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