He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
how drunk are you?
Several
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
