The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
