I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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