you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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