please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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