How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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