I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
