Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
