Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
