he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
