I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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