In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
