Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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