Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
