Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
