I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
