Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
