Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
