I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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