Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize