Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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