Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
