I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
