Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
