the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
