nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
