When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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