At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
