dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
