you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm just crazy horny about you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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