Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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