even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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