No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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