i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
